Create The Relationships You Want — Finding Love & Making It Last
After individual therapy, the most common type of work I do is helping couples reconnect with the relationship they once had or achieve the relationship they've always wanted.
There is arguably nothing more important in this world than love. When we truly feel love and connection with our partner, it seems that every possibility is available to us. But first we must learn to love ourselves. Only once we've learned to love ourselves, can we then share this love with others. And, personally, I can't think of a greater joy in life than sharing love with the people closest to us.
In The Beginning...
"If love is blind, then marriage is an institution for the blind."
— Rodney Dangerfield (among others)
Most relationships begin blissfully enough. We feel euphoric, high on life, and often as if we can do no wrong. But life, as we all know, is filled with ups and downs, mountains and valleys, pleasure and pain.
Unfortunately, most people spend more time planning their wedding ceremony or their next vacation than they do on the practicalities of making their relationship work and grow. But open communication and planning is an integral part of not only making a relationship last, but of keeping the love and excitement alive throughout the years.
Couples counseling and pre-wedding counseling can be crucial to creating the relationship you desire and keeping it strong into the future. Like other types of prevention, the best way to stop problems and issues from arising is to be pro-active. And asking the tough questions — acknowledging where and what types of problems might arise before they do — can be the key to a lifetime of love and happiness.
How To Solve Marriage Problems — Marriage Counseling Success
"What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility."
— Leo Tolstoy
Many people may feel that if you need counseling before marriage you probably shouldn't be considering marriage in the first place. But to me, this seems very short-sighted and a lot like saying there's no need to see a doctor for a physical exam until you know you're really sick.
Like a physical examination, a pre-marriage counselor can help you and your partner diagnose any problems that may occur down the road. This can help you come to terms and deal with any issues before they become marital disputes.
Doesn't it make more sense to diagnose potential marriage issues before they arise rather than wait until unidentified problems grow severe enough that you need to seek marriage counseling for infidelity or some other seriously needed conflict resolution? Additionally, skills learned in pre-marital therapy may help you not only resolve some current concerns but launch you and your marriage in a wonderfully healthy and happy direction.
Is It Ever Too Late?
"You did the best that you knew how. Now that you know better, you'll do better."
— Maya Angelou
Many couples seek counseling for marriage only once they've reached the point where their marriage is on the verge of collapse.
In such circumstances, you and your spouse will need to determine if resolving the conflict in your marriage is something you both want to achieve and are willing to do the work necessary. Resolving conflict and marriage disputes is not easy work, but if you both care about each other, it is worth the effort — and it's not too late. A good marriage therapist's job is to help you rekindle that love, and hence the energy to get past anger and resentments.
But, and I don't like to highlight this point, even if you decide the issues and problems in your marriage are too numerous to be resolved, counseling may be helpful in facilitating an amicable and respectful separation.
One Word Of Caution...
Many people seek couples counseling or family therapy thinking that if only the other people would change everything would be okay. However, no matter how much we might like to believe otherwise, we can never change another person. We can only change ourselves. Change is not something that can successfully be forced upon someone else.
If you and your spouse, or the other members of your family, are serious about change — if you believe therapy might benefit your relationship — then please don't hesitate to seek that help.
The positive growth and change psychotherapy can provide may seem limitless once the work is begun and the lines of communication are open for the love you have to be shared successfully.
No matter what issues you face, there is always room for personal and spiritual growth and change. Living with regrets won't help, but it's never too late to begin creating the life and relationships you want!
"Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music."
— Kahlil Gibran
When you're serious about change For an appointment leave a message, 24 hours a day, and
I will return your call – no obligation: (408) 582-2121.
Or for more information e-mail me at adrian@adrianRmedina.com.
Adrian R. Medina, M.A., LMFT
1754 Technology Drive, Suite 133, San Jose, CA 95110
