"Do not pray for easy lives. Pray to be stronger men. Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers. Pray for powers equal to your tasks."
— Phillip Brooks
Many of the problems we face seem to be ours and ours alone. How often have you looked at a boss, co-worker, friend, or even a member of your family and asked yourself "Why don't they have the same problem I do?" "What are they doing differently?"
Unfortunately, part of the problem lies in the questions themselves. We are all unique, with different strengths, weaknesses and experiences that help shape who we are. A slightly better question you might ask is "Why don't things seem to work out for me?" This is acceptable if there's no self-blame in the question and it is asked with introspection. That is, it doesn't do us any good to blame ourselves or the world (even if we recognize that the world needs help too)! So, a still better question is one of taking responsibility, "What do I need to do differently to get the life, or the love, that I want?" "What do I need to change?"
If you find yourself stuck asking similar questions, individual psychotherapy or counseling may be exactly what you need to overcome the specific obstacles you face and learn to live the life you're seeking.
All of the above notwithstanding, there are times when the problems we face seem directly connected to a particular relationship difficulty, whether this is with co-workers, a partner or members of our own families. This is why I have spent many years not only working with individuals, but couples and families as well.
There's No One More Important Than You —
Learning The Value Of Self-Worth
"I have often wondered how it is that every man loves himself more than all the rest of men, but yet sets less value on his own opinion of himself than on the opinion of others."
— Marcus Aurelius
I know many people will find the statement "there's no one more important than you" difficult to swallow, unreasonable, possibly selfish, and even egotistical. There was a time when I would have had a similar reaction. But how we interact with and treat others is directly related to how we perceive and treat ourselves.
The terms self-esteem and self-image have many over-lapping features. Self-image focuses more on how we see our bodies and ourselves. Our self-image — the picture we have of ourselves — is based upon our view of who and what we are and our abilities. It can be either constructive or destructive, and thereby help or hinder our experiences and personal growth.
Because low self-esteem is commonly founded in our childhood, self-esteem is central to all personal development from an early age. Our confidence, attitude, ability to be assertive and cope with stress are all affected by our self-esteem — our opinion of who and what we are. Likewise, the decisions we make will be in sync with how we see ourselves. Whatever cards we may have been dealt, to a large extent we are responsible for shaping our own reality.
Low self-esteem and poor self-image are often the underlying cause of mental anxiety, depression, issues in marriage (such as marital depression), and addictive behaviors. When addressing poor self-image or low self-esteem, it is important to address the symptoms as well as the underlying issues.
A side note here is that many of us cope with poor self-esteem or negative thoughts about ourselves by developing strengths in specific areas in order to compensate for our perceived deficiencies. Hence, we bury the fact that, in some ways, we don't regard ourselves very highly. This is one reason why you see people who you think have a high self-esteem sometimes let their guard down, acknowledge their poor thoughts of themselves, or make very bad choices.
Recent research suggests that it is not only possible to change one's thoughts and behaviors through psychotherapy, but that people can and do grow new neural pathways in their brains. Our brains and nervous systems can, to a large extent, be repaired and transformed. We can, quite literally, not only change our minds, but our brains as well!
Newer work with brain imaging has demonstrated this repair, and some of the newer therapies (such as EMDR) have made possible quicker, more complete, and less painful progress for people suffering from these issues.
It is no longer necessary to feel overly sensitive, shame bound or doomed. To improve self-worth still takes a lot of work on the part of the client and therapist, but change is possible and psychotherapy can be very effective!
Please read on to learn more about overcoming anxiety, depression, and trauma. Or, if you'd like more information about how I can help you improve your self-esteem, contact me at (408) 582-2121 or by e-mail at adrian@adrianRmedina.com.
Learning To Overcome Anxiety And Depression
"We have only to move confidently in the direction of our dreams and live the life we have imagined to meet with a success unexpected in common hours."
— Henry Thoreau
Are you anxious or depressed? In the world of mental health care, where exact diagnosis dictates treatment, anxiety and depression are regarded as two distinct disorders. But in the world of real people, such as you and I, many suffer from both conditions. Depression and anxiety coexist. They are two sides to the same proverbial coin.
Further, anxiety and depression share an avoidant coping style. Sufferers tend to avoid what they fear instead of developing the skills to handle the kinds of situations that make them uncomfortable. Usually, this is a result of patterns begun early in life. Often enough, a lack of social skills in some areas manifest themselves or are masked by strengths in other areas — we adapt, we cope, and not always in the most functional ways.
The good news is that learning to overcome anxiety and depression need not require long-term therapy or a lifetime of pills. Counseling, homework, and the practice and development of lifestyle changes are often all that is required.
Relief is often experienced by coming to understand how present day events "trigger" us — learning to answer the question, "Why does something bother me, but not that other person?" Additionally, once one learns how to identify thoughts, feelings, or events that cause or prompt our anxiety or depression, tools and skills learned during therapy can be implemented to overcome these issues and move forward in life with confidence.
Whether coping with mental anxiety due to stress in your personal or professional life, or trying to handle mood swings ranging from anger to depression to anxiety, working with a trained therapist or counselor can help. And while counseling may not relieve your symptoms instantaneously, it can be very effective and an excellent long-term solution.
However, should you need the immediate relief provided by anti-depressants or similar medications, I'll gladly recommend you to one or two trusted professionals or, if you're already taking such meds, work with your current psychiatrist or physician.
Coping With Trauma And PTSD
"The world breaks everyone, and afterwards many are strong at the broken places."
— Ernest Hemingway
Because Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) symptoms seldom disappear completely, it is usually a continuing challenge for survivors of trauma to cope with PTSD symptoms and the problems they cause. PTSD counseling and recovery is an ongoing and gradual process. It doesn't happen through sudden insight or "cure." However, survivors often learn through treatment how to cope more effectively and reduce emotional pain.
Since it is unlikely that a survivor will forget traumatic experiences entirely, some level of continuing reaction to memories is normal. Even people of sound mind and body experience PTSD symptoms. Anybody who experiences a traumatic event can present with symptoms. In fact, PTSD is a normal reaction to an abnormal occurrence. There are just some things in life that we shouldn't have to experience — things we can't be prepared for.
Psychotherapy can lead to a greater ability to manage trauma-related emotions and to greater confidence in one's ability to cope. Therapeutic treatment and recovery can also lead to fewer reactions and reactions that are less intense. In fact, it is possible for the emotional pain that accompanies traumatic memories to diminish, perhaps even entirely.
Beyond Coping With PTSD — EMDR Treatment And Recovery
"The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself."
— Mark Caine
My preferred method of treating trauma survivors and those coping with PTSD is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR). EMDR has had more published case reports and controlled outcome research to support it than any other method used in the treatment of post traumatic stress disorder.
EMDR counseling is a specialized form of psychotherapy that is used extensively for treating PTSD and its associated conditions, including depression. The theory behind EMDR is that rapid eye movement can help in the psychological processing of trauma. It is thought that the day's events and our reactions to them are processed during REM sleep. In a controlled EMDR session, rapid eye movement is facilitated to allow traumatic experiences to be processed and resolved.
Some symptoms of PTSD, recurrent nightmares for example, are usually attributable to events, thoughts, and troubling feelings that have felt overwhelming to us in the recent or distant past. I regularly find that just the process of setting up for EMDR sessions brings a great deal of relief to clients. It is wonderfully rewarding, for my clients and myself, to watch nightmares disappear and years of anxiety fade away, as we come to understand how troubling occurrences from the past have affected the psyche.
When a trauma survivor takes direct action to cope with problems, he or she often gains a sense of personal power and control. Active coping means recognizing and accepting the impact of traumatic experiences and then taking concrete action to improve things. EMDR counseling, combined with therapy for PTSD, can help you gain control of your life. Isn't it time to stop just coping with PTSD and once again enjoy a life worth celebrating?
When you're serious about change For an appointment leave a message, 24 hours a day, and
I will return your call – no obligation: (408) 582-2121.
Or for more information e-mail me at adrian@adrianRmedina.com.
Adrian R. Medina, M.A., LMFT
1754 Technology Drive, Suite 133, San Jose, CA 95110
